Adviser faces conflict of interest at home

A financial planner who works with clients experiencing divorce and grief has described the emotional challenges of her role, especially when a client’s situation echoes her own past.

She has spent several years in the field and wrote about the difficulty of staying composed when clients become upset. During a recent meeting, a client recounted how her mother died suddenly after a routine hospital visit went wrong. The planner, who lost her own mother in a similar way while studying at university, nearly cried during the session.

“I know I should remain detached and professional,” she wrote. “Yet I worry that my effort to hold back tears might make me seem less supportive.”

Her concern involves more than her own emotions. It also touches on how clients might perceive her reaction. Clients often notice when something changes in us. The risk is that, without a transparent explanation, your client might have interpreted your holding on to your feelings as disinterest or as a signal that their feelings were unwelcome.

Can vulnerability build trust?

The planner’s urge to stay neutral may come from a belief that professionalism means hiding emotions. The response she received questions that idea, arguing that self-awareness—not suppression—helps maintain boundaries while staying present for clients.

Rather than hiding her reaction, she could say, “I feel moved by what you’re telling me.” You might even add, “I lost my mother in similar circumstances, so this has touched me personally.” The purpose would be to name what was already present, and then allow yourself to return the focus to your client without expending so much energy trying to suppress your emotional response. A thoughtful disclosure can often build trust and help you self-regulate because you are no longer swallowing down or fighting back what you feel. The important thing is that you are not disclosing in order to process your feelings with your client, and are not asking your client to support you.

“A thoughtful disclosure can often build trust and help you self-regulate because you are no longer fighting back what you feel,” the response said.

Training gaps and the cost of emotional labor

Her experience points to a larger problem in financial planning: the lack of structured training for handling emotional aspects of the job. While technical skills like tax planning and investment analysis receive thorough instruction, skills like empathy and self-control are often left to personal experience.

“I remain exasperated that this does not form part of the core training required to become a financial planner,” the response stated.

For planners facing similar challenges, the response offered practical steps. Therapy or coaching can help build emotional regulation. Peer groups provide a space to discuss difficult client interactions confidentially.

“Your clients benefit from your ability to connect,” the response concluded. “Emotional responses, when handled with awareness, can be usefully expressed.”

The planner’s message sought understanding, not answers. The reply turned her struggle into a skill worth developing. The next step lies with the financial planning profession itself.

For those in similar roles, university resources on advising may offer additional guidance on balancing personal and professional demands.